On the way over to my locker, I find Emily posted up against hers as she engages in what appears to be some serious dialogue with Jason.
“Emily, welcome back friend.” I smile wanting to think nothing of her silence the past few days.
As I lean over to hug her, she turns to look at me and there’s a slight attitude written in her expression. I’ve never met an Asian girl with such sass. She’s always looking for something to beef about, I kid you not. She loves drama. I’m not sure how she and I became friends Freshman Year.
“Woah, what the fuck is your problem?” I automatically hop on defense.
“Why would you post those pictures after what happened with Matthew? Girl you’re looking a mess right now.”
She must be talking about the pictures from the game. Jaheim and I pulled up to the arena in San Antonio together, wore matching outfits and all. Well, he matched me. He lives for my fits and I love how supportive he has always been when it comes to my sense of style. We both wore black rock star t-shirts, light wash distressed denim jeans and Jordan one’s.
We looked good and everybody saw us. Our pictures were posted on Bleacher Report’s Instagram, as well as the team page. Being Tommy’s little sister, I catch a fairly decent amount of press at the games. And though it’s not hard to get used to the spectacle of myself, the attention has become more of a nuisance than anything else.
Because in the same light, we were on the kiss cam and Jaheim took advantage of the moment. Whichever photographer was in attendance, and bored enough to snap a picture of that moment, should really be proud of how much shit he stirred up.
My brother wasn’t pleased, neither were my parents. Reagan and her clique are talking shit online per usual. And worst of all, Jaheim and I aren’t even speaking to each other right now.
“You know my brother chewed me out about that kiss right? Why would you do that?” I whine as Jaheim sits on the bed and pulls me to stand in between his legs.
He kisses my stomach.
“Fuck Thomas. He was just cool with me last night. The nigga talked my head off for hours about you. But we left the conversation on the same page.”
“What page is that?” I smirk curiously.
He just shakes his head no and kisses my lips again.
“I missed you boo. For real. I don’t like it when we not talking.” My body accepts his embrace, and my ears, the words he whine.
“I don’t like it either. Just promise me you’ll never talk to that bitch again. She’s lowkey kind of dirty. Real ran through.” I tell him truly disgusted.
He falls back laughing.
Both of my hands are held hostage by his own. I’m pulled forward for another kiss.
“I’ll never talk to that “skank”, again. Scout’s honor boo.” He says in a silly voice. This is the side of him I love. I think I love him.
I kiss him again and it doesn’t take much time at all for me to get in the mood to take things further.
“Let’s try something.” I smile staring into his eyes. I move my hands down his body and feel up on him a bit.
He looks at me as if surprised.
“What do you mean?” He sits up slightly.
“I’m ready to… you know? I want to have sex with you.” I get another taste of his lips and straddle him. My arm wraps around the back of his neck once he sits up fully. He grabs me at the waist, then moves my body in a way that signals for me to get off of him.
“What’s wrong?” I frown confused.
He shakes his head no.
“Nah, we not on that. Baby you shouldn’t feel like you have to give it up to get me back or keep me. I told you, I fucked up. I won’t make the same mistake. For real Amanda, I don’t want that girl. I want you. And I know waiting is important for you.”
Wow. A little too late for him to come around to that conclusion isn’t it?
“None of that matters anymore Jaheim. I just want to be with you.” I try to kiss him again, but he lifts me up to move me off of him.
“No.” He adjusts himself to sit on the edge of the bed.
I sigh, extremely irritated. What is with these niggas wanting to save me from myself? I’m not asking any of them to care.
“Cause this ain’t you. You always tripped about it before and all of a sudden you just throwing it at me. I don’t like that shit, at all mama.”
I’m sick of people telling me who I am, and what it is I want. None of them know me for real. They are all trying to call the shots over my head and on behalf of my body. I control my body and I know what the hell I want.
“Really? How would you know this shit J? It’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me. I already fucked somebody else. I got my get-back for that Reagan shit. I’ve moved on from that. You good now?”
He twists his face up as if completely thrown off by my statement.
“You did what?” He looks disappointed.
I shrug.
“I did what I had to do to get over it. You hurt me. Now I know that you know how it feels. If you’re going to bitch about it, you can go back home.” I get up to find some sense of pride and peace in the bathroom. I choose to lock myself in here again, hoping he’d just leave.
We have to leave for the rest of the All-Star Weekend activities early in the morning. I’d much rather get my beauty rest than debate this shit with him.
“Emily you haven’t seen me in how many days? You missed my birthday, didn’t call or text me, and this is how you chose to greet me? Chasing stories and gossip? So fucking what people want to talk about what the hell I got going on in my bedroom, what the fuck do you care, “friend”? Both of y’all are full of shit and I’m not doing it with y’all today.” I simply walk away, wanting to remain calm, cool, and collected.
Fuck these people.
I find my girls in Chemistry and we greet each other with our handshake. These girls are more like best friends to me and have been for a while now. With Emily it’s always something to whine about. She always thinks I’m picking Jaheim over her. When in reality, she only wants to kick it on her time. And when she’s choosing to be on her time, I’m already in the middle of things with him.
“What’s up with your girl Em? She was looking crazy earlier when she walked by a group of people talking about them pics from the game.” Daphne hands me a text book.
“Thanks buddy. And I don’t fucking know. She’s on one lately. I don’t give a damn, I got enough going on.”
“So he hasn’t called you back about that night?” Davina wants to get straight into it. The night Jaheim basically rejected me, I was so upset I had to get the girls’ opinions on the issue.
I shake my head no.
“Oh I’m sorry boo, fuck him. Now he wants to be all righteous and shit when you never got that grace before. I think you just need to find your prospects for all that shit, outside of school. Everybody here is super slimy, even the girls. They all fake.” Daphne has never lied.
I get home and see a car that doesn’t belong to either of us in the driveway. Upon entering the house, I can hear a child’s laughter. Desmond is standing in our living room with his 7- year-old daughter, who is currently laughing at a video on his phone.
Wow. This little girl is just a decade younger than me. I don’t really know how to feel about that. What does that mean for my relations with him? I consented to everything. I’m think I may even consent again. Because I don’t feel as though I was taken advantage of, or coerced into anything. And I’ve never considered him creepy or anything like that. But somehow, this whole thing just feels wrong.
Tommy walks over to greet me with his signature forehead kiss. And I swear he thinks I’m his first born or something.
“How was school?”
“Shit.” I look at the little girl who’s glare shoots in my direction. She looks to be in shock. “Sorry. We talk a little crazy in this house.” Desmond deserves some sort of disclaimer, I feel.
“And somehow I’m not surprised by that.” He shrugs. “How are you?” He asks with a slight squint.
I tilt my head to show that I’m not amused in the slightest by his presence here in my home.
“What happened?” I refocus on my conversation with my brother as he grasps my attention.
“Same old. Emily and I are going through it, again.”
“When are you guys not? Why are you even friends with that girl? I mean, she seems smart, she just has this attitude I never liked. It’s like she thinks she’s better than everyone.” He speaks nothing but the truth. “I would think you got along better with Daphne, as eccentric as she is. I like the study buddies for you. They aren’t too caught up in bullshit to be good friends. And they show up.”
My head moves up and down in a ferocious manner. My finger points toward him to show that he hit the nail on the head.
“Emily does have that kind of attitude sadly. And apparently she’s feeling some type of way about the picture situation, and I’m confused as to why? Jaheim is not your nigga, what do you care? And I’m really just over being a conversation at that school. It’s like, focus on getting y’all’s grades up. Why they so worried about me? Also, Reagan is still very much a thing.” I rant while walking into the kitchen to grab the bowl of grapes out of the fridge.
I kick my shoes off and grab a water bottle before making myself comfortable on the couch across from Desmond. The best thing I can do is pretend we never happened.
Tommy laughs as he focuses on getting his surround system tuned to the proper settings. He must’ve just got his new subwoofer. He’s an audio geek like our cousin Grant. They are always sharing recommendations for gizmos and gadgets. He’s a huge movie buff too, so we are always watching stuff.
“Well, we already had this conversation. You can’t keep letting things you can’t control, get to you. I told you that the situation was a bad look. You gotta deal with that. But as a friend, if that’s the stance she chose, you can’t change that. You can only do what’s best for you. You saw him today?” He asks genuinely concerned. I’ve been really sad about us seriously being broken up.
Tommy still doesn’t know about my sleeping with anyone. He just thinks that Jaheim was upset because I told him I couldn’t get over what happened with Reagan. I definitely twisted the truth quite a bit.
“I saw him. Did we speak? No. I don’t care though. He’s a POS.”
Desmond laughs.
“Good job.”
I wink at him.
“Thank you.”
I can tell his daughter is a nosey little girl. She’s trying to figure out what POS means and It’s kind of adorable. She definitely looks more like his wife than him. I don’t remember her name though, he tends to keep his kids out of the public eye. And really from anything having to do with his career.
“What’s her name daddy?” She beats me to the question.
Desmond smiles and looks over at me.
“Amanda, what’s your name?” I ask her.
“Sasha.”
“Hi Sasha, you’re very pretty.” I smile meaning every word.
“So are you.” She smiles back and Desmond stares at me as if happy to see what he’s looking at.
My brother goes to the bathroom and I quickly get up and walk back into the kitchen, hoping Desmond would follow me. He does.
“Wait right here Sasha. You got something to drink?” He comes up behind me but not entirely too close.
I smirk to myself with my back still turned to him.
“Yeah. I got you.”
He moves close enough to me to press his body up against mine for a moment.
“I’ve been thinking about you.” He kisses my neck quickly.
I turn to look at him and then push him away.
“You’re bold.” I can’t help my smile.
He’s so fucking handsome. And I feel like the weird thing they don’t tell you about sex, is that once you have it with someone you like, your body starts to crave that person’s.
He smirks and playfully hooks his finger into the front of my pants.
“Now why would you get up on that screen and kiss that no-good nigga like that anyway?” He asks in a whisper, staring directly into my eyes.
Awe, he’s jealous. I tap his chest twice and brush him off.
“Why not?” Is all I got for him. “You didn’t do what I asked, so the show continues with the stand in. Plus, I have issues you want no part of right?” He gets hit with his own quote and kisses his teeth in response.
“No one, especially not him, will ever be a “stand-in” for me. Come kick it with me tonight. You know where I’ll be.” He moves away from me as I open the fridge to grab the Pomegranate juice.
“No, what is that? I don’t like that stuff.” He shakes his head no.
“It’s Pomegranate juice. Are you crazy?”
“What?” I can hear my brother walking into the kitchen. “Who doesn’t like Pom Juice?”
“I know, that’s outrageous. And it’s good for your immune system. Full of antioxidants.” I speak eagerly.
“Yup.” My brother playfully smacks my hand as I put it out for him.
“Y’all are sick. It has a funky aftertaste. I’d rather drink Tart Cherry juice and that shit is gross too.” He bites his lip as he speaks. I want him so bad.
“Tommy, Desmond asked me if I’d consider being a stand-in babysitter for him and…”
“Maria.”
“Maria… could you send me his contact info when you get the chance please? Oh by the way,” I turn to look at Desmond as if to sell the part I’m playing right now. “I’m quite costly but I’ll give you a family and friends discount. $100 an hour.”
Desmond throws his neck back slightly as if to say “you’ve got some fucking nerve.”
“You can afford it, don’t trip.”
Thomas laughs.
“Yeah, good luck with that. I wouldn’t trust her to watch Francis alone on a Friday night if she was the only person I knew.” He insults me.
I kiss my teeth and flick him off, internally overjoyed by the fact that my slick attempt to get the phone number without being so direct about it, worked. Walking off, I squeeze my phone to conceal the chaos I’m sure can be seen within my eyes.
It’s been a few hours since I texted Desmond asking him what time I should head over to the hotel. There’s no response whatsoever. Was he just playing with me to see if I’d still be willing to give him some or what? I don’t find games like this to be all that amusing.
He’s an idiot. I guess I’ll be turning tonight into a self-care marathon then. Reaching for my face steamer, a call comes in from a random number. I ignore it, irritated by the fact that my music has been interrupted and then another call from the number comes in.
I pick up and say nothing.
“How you answer the phone and say nothing?” It’s Desmond.
“Ahh, so you calling me from your hoe phone I see? What the hell do you want? The show’s gone on. I’m not going anywhere tonight.” I tell him taking a hit from the now fully charged weed pen I stole from the server in Texas, it’s probably got about 4 good hits left on it. But it’s strong enough to get me there in 2.
“You sound like an old lady. And hoe phone? I may have a second phone but it ain’t for none of that. It’s the phone I do business on. Serious shit. I just don’t want you hitting my main line up unwarranted.” He informs me.
“What the hell does unwarranted mean? You must be scared I’m going to interrupt your family dinner huh? Never that. You’re not that important.” I let him know off rip.
“I got something for you.” He ignores my disrespectful comment. “Come see about me in a hour. 5th floor, last room to the left of the elevator.” He hangs up before I can protest.
I stare at myself for a while in the mirror to figure out whether or not I feel good enough to go see him tonight. Ultimately, I decide to set out a green pair of puffy pants with a white crop top to match the white fuzzy slippers I’ve rarely worn. I find myself downstairs face with a half sleep Thomas laying on the couch with the TV watching him.
“Hey Tommy, I’m going by Daph and Vi’s for a last minute study group. We have a pop quiz the day after next.” I lean down to hug him.
When I walk away to grab my keys off the rack, he stops me.
“Why do you smell like that? Where are you going Amanda?”
I just told you. He definitely doesn’t believe me.
“Wearing all that perfume. Alright now…” He shakes his head and lays back down unbothered.
I don’t think he wants the fight tonight. I get in the car and put the hotel in my Waze for gps assistance. When I get there, I have to have my car valeted and it truly makes me feel like the high roller I was born to be. I follow his instructions to get to the room and a wave of nerves wash over me. This is risky, is it not? I doubt my shades will be enough to conceal the fact that my young ass just waltzed up to a hotel across the city to come fuck around with a much older man.
I knock twice, and after about 54 seconds of counting, the door opens.
Unsure of what to say, I simply walk into the room and wait for him to close the door behind himself. I’m stuck admiring his shirtless physique. His body is beautiful. I’d worship at his feet if I had to. Every night I’ve been thinking about climbing on top of it again and getting a taste of all of him.
I want him to do some nasty things to me. And he will, he’s been allowed to pin me still against the wall I’ve subconsciously pressed myself up against.
“I want you so bad Desmond.” I moan against his mouth and lift my right leg onto his hip as he moves his body closer to mine.
“Tell me what you want?” He kisses my cheek and then my neck.
“I want you inside of me.” My arms snake around the back of his neck as he lifts my body to carry me over to the bed.
Hovering over me, he uses his tongue to coat his lips lightly enough to leave a slight glisten. His eyes capture my own and he holds my gaze against it’s will. Our lips reintroduce themselves to one another.
“I bought something for you.” A few kisses are pressed underneath my chin before he takes a moment to walk over to the ottoman. A baby blue gift box with a white bow sits just on top of it.
How does he know my favorite color?
He brings the box over to me and sets it on the bed in front of me. I smile at him. blushing, unsure of what to think.
“What is it?”
He leans forward and returns the smile.
“Open the box and find out.” He laughs.
I open it and there’s a beige satin slip with a matching thong waiting to be tried on.
“You know you don’t have to buy me stuff to get me to do the things you want. I drove myself here for a reason. You don’t have to spoil me to keep me quiet.” I take my tongue to his lips seductively.
I’ve learned a lot from the internet in the past few days. Consider my sexual curiosity peaked.
“I know.” He grabs me up by my chin to suck my tongue into his mouth. “I wanted you to put that on but right now I don’t think it really matters.” His eyes are definite.
A laugh is conjured up. I show him I agree with a tiny nod and pull my crop top over head remembering I have no bra on for this same reason.
I wanted him to have easy access to whatever part of me he wants. Something about a man who everyone wants, wanting you, is intoxicating. Exhilarating even. He’s the star player of the team and has a mean shot that leaves everyone in awe. Women throw themselves at him, but I really didn’t have to. He spoke to me first. He’s chasing me seems like.
When I toss my shirt to the floor, my eyes catch his erection in his Under Armour shorts. I smile to myself knowing exactly want I’m going to do with it.
I push him backwards and then get off the bed to crawl on the floor in front of him.
“What are you doing down there?” He snickers amused.
“You remember that thing I wanted to show you in Texas?” I rub my hands up his legs to the top of his shorts and pull them down.
He’s exposed now and I can tell he’s anticipating my every move. This is a married man who regularly steps out on his wife because something is lacking at home. There’s something he wants that he hasn’t been getting. I’m not like that bitch. I’d never be complacent with having to share my man, so I’d never want to give him a reason to go searching elsewhere.
Right now, he is mine. If he’s fucking me, he won’t be fucking anyone else. I’m going to make sure of it.
I swallow as much of him as I can making sure I keep my mouth open wide enough, I don’t want my teeth to scrape him.
“Oh my God.” He hums throwing his head back. Staring back down at me, its clear he in some sort of disbelief.
My head moves back and then forward again, and I’m trying my hardest to keep from triggering my gag reflex. I have to take things slow, tease him a bit with my intention, not necessarily the act itself.
I stare into his eyes wanting him to see that it is my purpose, in this moment, to please him. He needs to feel like I’m doing this because I need him. That’s what makes a man never want to leave. I’m sure it’s why my mom gives into my dad’s every will and whim. She gets whatever the hell she wants from him. But it comes at a little bit of a cost. I get it now.
I lower myself onto him feeling not an ounce of shame with the fact that he’s staring at every inch of me. This was the thing about sex that frightened me the most initially. It’s why I never entertained the idea of Jaheim being all up in my business like this. Now, it feels necessary.
It feels like that’s the point of this whole ordeal. To be seen and to see another being for what it is they desire the most. For who they actually are. Unashamed and ready to take whatever they can from the other person wrapped around them.
“Tell me how it feels Papa.” Moving up and down at as slow of a pace as possible, I find strength in my desire to drive him as crazy as I can. And as quickly as I can. I want him to grab my hips and make me go at whatever speed he needs me to. I want him to feel like he’s in control.
This feels so good. Better than I can remember. There’s this pressure building up in my stomach, even a little lower. And it hurts a bit, but in a good way. I’m tired as hell though, I can’t keep this up. I lean forward to support myself on him and he flips us over to start suckling on my neck.
“I got it from here baby, you did good. Just relax now. I got you.” He kisses all over my chest while I slowly lose sight of the textured ceiling.
I lay still as he asks me to, hoping to siphon some more pleasure from this encounter. But what the hell am I doing? What have I just gotten myself into? What am I to become now because of this?
Neither of us honestly think that this is something that will have a happy ending, do we? Killers of the night must always face the sun, like our grandmother never failed to remind us before her passing. Meaning, Thomas is going to find out about this at some point. And so will Desmond’s wife.
“We can’t do this again.” I speak softly, putting my clothes back on. “How many times do you think we’ll get to do this before we get caught? We can’t risk that kind of trouble.”
He watches me saying nothing. He shrugs as if unphased by what I just said.
“You didn’t think about that before you came over this way though?” He squints with his question. Positioning myself in front of him, my arms rest on his shoulders to find comfort in his hair.
“Thomas knew I wasn’t coming to a damn study group Des. He smelled me and just knew. He has like, mom senses, or something. Does she not care that you sneak out too?” I wonder what the situation between him and his wife is really about.
He takes a deep breath in and out.
“It’s done then. You’re right, we just been out here stupid with it. Anyone of the people mad at you right now could be all up in your grill without you even knowing.” He throws a slight jab flashing a smile that is just to die for.
“I know right.” I shake my head. “We good though? I’m gonna head back home.”
He nods.
“Yeah, we good baby. Tonight was fun. You know how to make a man feel good for one thing. I’m sure you’ll do just fine out here. Stop chasing after them little boys who don’t have shit to offer you. You can get whatever it is you want from a real nigga, I’d bet my life on that.”
I smile at his comment knowing I did exactly what I meant to do. Now, we do have to cool this shit, possibly for forever. But I know if nothing else, he’ll be thinking of me randomly throughout his day. And maybe even when he’s away. This was my only intention.
It doesn’t take much to get a man to fall it seems, the hard part is getting him to stay down.
Engagement