Today is October 30th and it’s the worst day of my entire life. I mean it. I’m in so much pain, and Desmond is on the road right now doing Lord knows what.
I have some kind of ear infection, and a bad cough I can’t get rid of. Meanwhile, this baby is kicking the shit out of me. I feel like I’m genuinely dying, and I’d squeeze the life out of someone for a painkiller right about now.
My feet slowly drag over to the toilet and a loud sob ensues due to how awful I’m feeling.
As I pee, I lean forward, watching as thick yellow snot runs from my nose onto the tile bathroom floor. This can’t be okay. Desmond came over here sick a few days ago and left me to deal with this shit on my own, after I took care of him. I could kill him right now.
The doorbell rings and I groan, forgetting he was having a big delivery sent in today with stuff for the baby since I’m due in just a few days. I allow myself to rest on the toilet for a few more minutes, and then I move to wipe up the mess my nose made before going back downstairs.
Stepping out to grab the first few bags proves to be a challenge when there’s a strong sharp twinge that stifles me. Suddenly, a middle-aged Spanish woman walks up with another bag.
“Forgot this one in the passenger seat. Oh my- honey, is your water breaking?” She runs up to me.
“Oh no, it’s okay.” I try to ward her off given I’m not supposed to be communicating with anyone other than Desmond.
“Mamita, where’s your husband? Or partner?” She corrects herself and comes further up onto the patio to help me.
Groaning, I grab at my pelvic area in pain.
“I don’t feel good.” I whine, unable to focus on anything else.
Fuck these groceries, fuck the rules. I need to go to the hospital. I have to make sure I come out of this alive.
“Is anyone here with you sweetheart?” She asks gently.
I shake my head no.
“Come here. Let’s get all this stuff in the house so it doesn’t spoil. For the sake of time we’re just going to toss everything into the fridge.” She informs me, her accent flows unashamed.
I lay still and wail at the intense cramping I continuously feel. She works fast to move the groceries inside before coming to help me up.
“Do you have a hospital bag ready?”
I tell her no. The plan was for me to have this baby in the house, where I was safe from the risk of being spotted and returned to my family. Desmond just knew he’d be here. According to an online conception date calendar, I was to be due on November 5th. I guess this little one has other plans.
“Trick or treat!” A group of kids walk by in character costumes with buckets. Early starters.
“We don’t have anything for you right now, come back tomorrow cuties.” The woman takes her hand to the side of my body and my back to support me as I force myself up.
Life was easier when I could run around chanting “trick or treat” knowing I’d get a treat every time. When you’re young you never pay attention to the “trick” part.
The whole of the statement is are you going to trick me, or treat me to something nice? Something I’d like and think I deserve.
Real life is a series of tricks and treats. You never know which one you’re going to get, or from who you’re going to get it.
I hate to put Desmond in such a fucked up predicament, but it’s time. This baby is coming and I can’t do this on my own. I don’t want to.
My insides feel like they are coming out and my body is burning. There’s a foreign kind of pain radiating down my thighs that I can’t even describe in words. When having this baby was just an idea, I couldn’t say I wasn’t ready. All I could do was hope for a healthy, happy, chubby smiling child.
Now I can say that I’m not ready. Now is when I know things are about to change. Not just in the sense of sleepless nights, crying, diaper changes, or towels full of baby spit-up. There’s a real possibility that I am about to lose either my life or my livelihood.
Desmond is what this whole thing has been about. He’s the thing I fought and sacrificed for. He was the only thing that mattered and now it can’t just be about him anymore. I have another man to love. I have a son to put before my own wants, needs, and desires, including his father.
Needless to say, I was recognized by a nurse whose husband is a huge Sailors fan. The moment she realized who I was, the police were called despite my not having any form of identification on my person.
Now I have unwanted visitors in my room that just want to know all this stuff about me that I’m not willing to share.
“It seems as though you’re a little sick, have you been to a doctor for your symptoms at all before today?” A blonde-haired, green eyed officer takes a seat next to my bed while another one, a black guy, looks on from the corner.
I remain silent, not wanting feed into whatever bullshit investigation they are conducting.
“Amanda, you’re a 17-year-old new mother who ran away from what seems like a pretty good home and was missing for six, almost seven, months. You have to give us something kid. You were pregnant and never saw a doctor, there’s no medical history for you in any hospital system in this past year. That’s not normal, you have to tell me what’s going on so I can help you.” The officer gives his speech.
I pay him no mind, staring at my son who sleeps soundly in the clear bassinet next to me.
“Who have you been staying with?” He asks another question, disregarding my non-response to the first one.
“I think I’m actually kind of tired. I’m not feeling well as you said and seem to know a lot about, Officer.” I speak with a bit of a snarky attitude.
My room door opens after a long bout of silence. And it’s a face I’ve been dying to see, but I’ve completely forgotten just how much.
“Excuse me officers, I don’t mean to stop you guys from doing your job, but my parents are actually in Mexico on vacation right now and have been for the past week. They are in the process of trying to get back but I’m here now, and I need to talk to my sister please.” He looks at me and I can tell he’s been crying his whole flight here.
His face looks a little different, he looks a little older. Not much, but it’s noticeable. It could just be the fact that he has started growing out a beard and a bit of a ‘stache.
“Of course.” Green eyes gets up from his borrowed chair and makes his way out of the room right behind the other cop. “In the meantime we are going to try and reach back out to the woman who brought her in a few hours ago to see if she can give us that address. We could most definitely trace it back to someone who would be able to speak on what’s been going on with Amanda.”
Fuck, the condo is in Desmond’s name I’m sure. I have to talk to him.
Tommy walks back and forth silently a few times, I’m sure he’s trying to put the right words together. And then he realizes the baby sleeping soundly and walks over to get a good look at his nephew.
He smiles and stares in awe a while. He then looks at me.
“He’s beautiful. I knew you were going to have a boy.” He lets out a small chuckle and then his eyes tear up again. “What the fuck Amanda?” He looks as though he can’t comprehend anything that’s happened.
He walks around the bed to sit next to me, where the officer previously was.
“I’m not getting it. San Clemente? What the hell is here in San Clemente?”
“I didn’t mean to pull you from work for this…”
“Don’t start that shit, you’re not going to wriggle your way out of this. Answer my question.” He’s gotten a little meaner I see.
“Peace and quiet.” I keep my response short.
“I kid you not Amanda, if there were no police officers outside that door I would jack you the fuck up myself. What you in here protecting this nasty ass nigga for? Cause I know that’s what it is. You got with some guy that was too fucking grown for you, and let him talk sweet in your ear and get you pregnant. That’s the only reason you won’t tell me who he is. I know it and so does that boy you left behind in my living room.”
What boy?
I push my neck back slightly confused.
“Jaheim has been at the house almost as much as I have the past few months. Hanging out with me, hoping to catch you walk through the front door with the bag you packed and brought with you. I know I didn’t care for him at first, but that boy loves you and he’s hurt. What you did to him, to me, to our family, was fucked up. And for what? A man who didn’t care about you enough to bring you to the doctor your whole pregnancy? You in here coughing and can barely breathe? How long you been sick like this? You could’ve fucking died delivering this baby Amanda? You realize that right? He doesn’t love you. Shit, he left you to die during childbirth in that condo where that God-sent woman rescued you from.” He rambles.
At this point, what good is it for me to care about how the hell Jaheim feels? He cheated and then I went and got pregnant with another man’s child. The shit was never going to work anyway. He needs to get a grip. Clearly, I’ve been gone for a reason. I love someone else, I’ve moved on. So should he.
“Where the fuck was he at anyway? I would think a creep like that would have you heavily monitored to make sure you don’t go running off to fuck things up? Or was beating on you enough to keep you quiet and in check?” Now he’s making a whole bunch of shit up to fill his own narrative.
“At work, providing for his family. And I wasn’t beaten or abused. I’ve actually been very well taken care of. Maybe a bit bored at times, but I was fine with where I was. I’m in freakin’ San Clemente, not San Barnidino. All of the dark shit that you think went down the past few months, most definitely didn’t.” I shrug telling him confidently.
He nods and twists his head slightly unsure of what to say or do.
“San Clemente huh? I have a good friend that likes to play golf out here. You get into any of that? Being that you’ve been having such a good time and all?” He squints examining my expression.
Is he testing me?
“Nah, golf is boring. Not a real sport in my opinion.”
He laughs as I just scratch at the back of my neck.
If Desmond is as good of a listener as he puts on, he’ll already be doing what he has to do to make sure he doesn’t get roped into this shit.
“I know my brother, the second he gets the call that they know where I am, he’s gonna jet. The moment you find out he’s missing a game due to personal reasons, or to deal with a family matter, I’m not sure how much he’s told you about “my situation”, but that’s your cue. They are going to know I’ve been with you. You got everything ready like we talked about?” I make sure he’s looking at me as I speak.
I told him to have his bag ready, he can charter a plane to anywhere he wants, so getting away won’t be the problem, if he makes a move quickly. And that means he may not be able to say goodbye to his kids.
He nods. “Yes ma’am.” A smile forms on his face and he starts to play with the few loose curls that fall in front of my face. “Why you so worried about me? Huh?” He kisses my lips sweetly, caressing my face.
I smile, tucking my face into his neck. I make tiny kisses on and around his sweet spot.
He wraps his arms around me to place a kiss in the center of my neck.
“Because I love you. And I’m not just saying that.” Our eyes meet again. “I know when people find out they are going to try and say all kinds of things about how wrong this is, or how you groomed me. I don’t feel like that. I’m here willingly. You already know that I want to be with you anyway I can. You have to be okay through all of this.” I touch my forehead to his.
He kisses my nose.
“You’re so sweet. I will be. We both will be okay, and so will our little one here.” He looks down at my big round belly and the look in his eyes is indescribable. He takes both his hands to my stomach and glides his thumbs back and forth along the sides of it.
“Amanda, you know we’re going to find this fucker right? The police are on it. They are going to figure it out so you might as well tell me.”
I refocus on my brother but quickly turn to reach for my baby who starts to cry. I think I have to try and nurse him again but I don’t want to do things wrong, so I call for a nurse.
“What are you calling the nurse for? This is your baby, pick him up and feed him. You got this right? At least that’s what your letter said.” He’s being petty and spiteful.
I pick Denzel up gently and bring him onto the bed with me.
“Can you like, look away?” I ask with a slight attitude, because why is he even looking at me right now knowing I’m about to feed my newborn. Is that not a strange thing to do?
He shakes his head, getting up.
“Do what you gotta do. Like I didn’t watch mom keep your greedy ass alive the first few months…” he chuckles. “I’m going to get some coffee so I can get through this. Because I’m getting my answers today, come hell or high water. And I’m both of ‘em, don’t play with me, little sister.”
I can hear him ask the officers to keep an eye on me so I can’t go anywhere. Desmond please be gone. I wonder if Tommy told anyone he was leaving or if he just left and spoke to Coach on the way here.
I look on the chair to see that his phone sits unbothered. Looking toward the door, I can see the officers having a conversation amongst themselves.
I support Denzel with both arms as he’s successfully latched on and I don’t want to disturb his feeding. I scoot closer to the edge of the bed and put my feet down to get up and grab the phone. Though, I find it a bit hard to maneuver the way I used to. Everything feels weird in my lower half, almost out of place.
I think I remember his password.
Is it 341265 or 342156? He always thought that passwords with specific dates were too easy for someone to decipher, so he just plays on generic patterns of numbers.
I know Desmond’s passwords and numbers, to both phones. He never cared about shit like that. He felt like he had nothing to hide from me. And maybe my being in solitude played a part in that, but even if not, I genuinely don’t believe he ever lied to me about anything.
Focus Amanda, let’s get into the phone and call him. I unlock the phone with the latter combination and dial the number to Desmond’s second phone, praying he answers.
It rings three times and goes to voicemail. So he has it in his hand. I call again and he answers.
“Des, Denzel is here. I’m in the hospital, I’m so sorry. I just wasn’t feeling good.” I start.
“Are you okay?” He asks and it sounds like he’s doing a lot of moving around.
“Yeah, I feel like shit but I’m good. He’s good. He’s cute. I wish you could see him.”
“I bet he is. He gets it from his momma. I appreciate you Amanda. And listen, I got it. Don’t worry about me. I know what to do. I’ll see you soon, okay?” He assures me.
I let out a sigh of relief.
“Okay. I’m not saying anything to them. They’re investigating shit I’m sure. I’m calling you from Tommy’s phone right now since he stepped out. We don’t have long to talk, I just wanted to check on you… I’m not sure if you’ll get to see your girls again, and I’m so sorry about that Desmond. I didn’t want to ruin your family.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I made my choices knowing the consequences. That’s why we have your plan. And my family was fucked up before you came into the equation. Just take care of the little one for me. I love you Amanda.”
“I love you Desmond.”
Engagement